Breaking the Cycle: Uncovering Generational Trauma Through Family Secrets (Part 1)

Breaking the Cycle: Uncovering Generational Trauma Through Family Secrets (Part 1)

Understanding Generational Trauma – A Real Story That Sparks Healing

At InnerWorks Healing Therapy, we know that healing often begins with asking brave questions and confronting painful truths. In Part 1 of our three-part blog and video series on Generational Trauma, we’re diving deep into what it really means to inherit trauma from our families—and how recognizing it is the first powerful step toward healing.

I’m honored to be joined by my close friend Tiffany, whose raw and deeply personal story was what first led me down the path of exploring generational trauma in my therapeutic work. Her experience is not just a family history—it’s a clear example of how trauma, especially when unspoken or covered up, echoes through generations in ways we may never realize until we’re ready to look closely.

This story begins with something seemingly simple: a DNA test. But what unfolds is a powerful lesson in truth, identity, and emotional survival. To read all the parts follow these links – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

It All Started with a DNA Test: The Catalyst for Family Discovery

Tiffany always believed she was of Cherokee descent. That’s what her mother told her, and she passed that belief down to her own daughter. It was a part of her identity—one of those unspoken facts that gets woven into the fabric of a family. But when her daughter gifted her a DNA test for Christmas, they never expected what would be revealed.

The results came back with zero Native American ancestry. In fact, the results showed a completely different background—mostly Irish, among other European lineages. But beyond the cultural surprise, what really began to unravel was something much deeper. The DNA results started connecting Tiffany to family members with unfamiliar last names. That curiosity sparked a journey—one that would uncover long-buried secrets that had haunted her family for generations.

She began reaching out to cousins she had never met. One connection led to another, and suddenly, Tiffany found herself digging into the story of her biological grandfather—a man her family had rarely, if ever, spoken about. What she found was shocking.

Generational Trauma – A Hidden Legacy of Violence and Silence

Tiffany’s grandfather had murdered her grandmother—a brutal and traumatic act carried out in front of their six children, including Tiffany’s mother, who was just six years old at the time. The family had been living in a cramped one-bedroom house. Tiffany’s mother, the oldest sibling, often slept with the newborn on her chest to protect it from being crushed by the other children in the shared space.

One night, her grandfather returned after being kicked out of the home. Despite her mother’s warnings, little six-year-old Kathy (Tiffany’s mother) opened the door for him out of fear. That decision would haunt her for the rest of her life.

He entered the home and beat Tiffany’s grandmother to death in front of all the children.

Imagine carrying that experience for 70+ years—never fully processing it, never being supported, never given the emotional tools to understand that it wasn’t your fault. That’s the weight Tiffany’s mother carried. And that is what generational trauma looks like.

Family Secrets Don’t Stay Buried—They Live On in Us

After the tragedy, Tiffany’s grandfather fled the scene, leaving a six-year-old to care for her five younger siblings and a lifeless mother in the next room. Her mother didn’t fully understand what had happened, but she knew something was deeply wrong. She eventually sent a younger sibling to the nearby grandmother’s house to get help.

Before he fled, her grandfather told Tiffany’s mother to lie: “Tell your grandma she fell down the stairs.” And that’s what she did. But when her grandmother asked her again—“Now tell me the truth”—Tiffany’s mom revealed the horrifying reality.

Her testimony as a child in court ultimately put her father in prison.

But even that didn’t erase the fear. For decades, Tiffany’s mother lived with the paralyzing anxiety that her father might come back for her. She would send her kids outside to make sure he wasn’t nearby. She’d look over her shoulder in public places. That sense of fear and responsibility never left her.

This kind of trauma—the trauma of witnessing violence, of carrying guilt, of surviving an unimaginable childhood—is not something that just “goes away.” It becomes embedded in a person’s nervous system. And unless addressed, it can continue to affect not just that person, but future generations.

A Surprising Phone Call: The Next Generation Begins to Heal

As Tiffany connected with more family members, she realized that many of them didn’t know the truth. Some thought the grandmother had died from an accident. Others had never heard anything at all. So Tiffany began sharing the real story. She sent old newspaper articles and court records to cousins who were stunned—and grateful—to finally know what had really happened.

Then, something unexpected happened. Tiffany’s daughter, the same one who gave her the DNA test, called her out of the blue with an idea: “I want to start a podcast about generational trauma. And I want to begin with our family story—Grandpa murdering Grandma.”

What she didn’t know is that Tiffany had just been in touch with one of their relatives that very day. The timing was uncanny. And it made Tiffany realize that maybe this wasn’t random—maybe the truth was ready to come to the surface.

Why Talking About Generational Trauma Matters

So why are we telling this story now?

Because generational trauma thrives in silence. And family secrets may not be visible, but they are energetically present—living in our DNA, shaping our behaviors, relationships, and emotional reactions.

As therapists at InnerWorks Healing Therapy, we’ve seen this time and time again. Clients struggle with anxiety, self-worth issues, or emotional patterns they can’t explain. Often, when we trace it back, we find stories like this—untold trauma that has never been processed. And the first step toward healing is to name it. To speak it aloud. To shine a light on what’s been hiding in the dark corners of a family history.

What’s Next in the Series

In Part 2, we’ll talk about how these inherited patterns of fear, silence, and emotional pain show up in your life—even if you don’t realize it. We’ll explore:

• The science of trauma in the nervous system
• How trauma gets passed down genetically
• Ways you may be carrying your family’s pain without even knowing it
• And most importantly—how you can begin to break the cycle.

If this story resonates with you or brings something up emotionally, know that you are not alone. Healing generational trauma is possible. It starts with awareness, and it continues with courage and support.

If you or someone you love is struggling with unresolved family trauma, InnerWorks Healing Therapy is here to help.
📍 Visit InnerWorksHealingTherapy.com to schedule a confidential consultation.

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To read all the parts follow these links – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.