Breaking the Cycle: Uncovering Generational Trauma Through Family Secrets (Part 2)

Breaking the Cycle: Uncovering Generational Trauma Through Family Secrets (Part 2)

A Deeper Dive Into Abandonment, Identity, and the Emotional Cost of Survival

Welcome Back to Our Generational Healing Journey

Welcome to Part 2 of our three-part video and blog series exploring generational trauma—a powerful and deeply personal look into how trauma can echo through families over decades. At InnerWorks Healing Therapy, we are honored to hold space for stories like these, because we believe that through awareness and reflection, transformation is possible.

In this continuation of our conversation with Tiffany, we go even deeper into the patterns passed from one generation to the next. If you missed Part 1, we encourage you to start there. In it, we uncover the tragic family origin story: Tiffany’s grandfather killed her grandmother in front of her mother, who was only six years old at the time. That moment, shrouded in silence and shame, became the seed of emotional wounding that shaped generations to come.

Now, we shift focus to Tiffany’s mother, whose life journey illustrates how unprocessed trauma can shape identity, relationships, and parenting for years—until someone is brave enough to stop the cycle. To read all the parts follow these links – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

From Witness to Orphan: A Childhood Cut Short

Following the traumatic loss of her mother, Tiffany’s mom—along with her five siblings—was adopted by her maternal grandmother. Their last names were changed, their identities rewritten. Tiffany recalls learning as an adult that she didn’t even know her mother’s real surname growing up.

“They literally got adopted. Last name, everything,” she explains. “And nobody really ever talked about it.”

This silence—the refusal or inability to talk about trauma—is one of the defining features of generational trauma. What isn’t processed gets passed on. What isn’t healed becomes inherited.

Tiffany’s mother grew up in a world that demanded survival but offered no roadmap for healing. She was raised in a small town, Lava Hot Springs, by a grandmother who loved deeply but struggled to express it. There were no “I love yous,” no hugs or kisses—only a practical kind of love that provided food, shelter, and rules, but little emotional nurturing.

Emotional Absence and the Blueprint for Love

In therapy, we often explore how children learn about love, safety, and connection from their earliest caregivers. When affection is absent, inconsistent, or conditional, it can send a lifelong message: love is not safe. Love is earned. Love is chaos.

Tiffany’s mother grew up in such an emotionally dry environment. Her adoptive grandfather—whom she never referred to as “dad,” only by his name—was cold, aggressive, and frequently intoxicated. It set the tone for how she would later interpret relationships and intimacy.

Though she intellectually understood she was “loved,” she didn’t receive the emotional signals or physical gestures that typically nurture self-worth and security. And when that foundation is cracked, we often build adult relationships on shaky ground.

Early Relationships: Repeating the Patterns

Tiffany’s mother became a mother herself at just 15 years old—married off to her first abuser after becoming pregnant. “When you get pregnant, you get married—even if it’s not the right person,” Tiffany shares, reflecting on the cultural and generational expectations of the time.

That marriage was riddled with abuse. It ended quickly, leaving Tiffany’s mother a teenage single mom. Her second pregnancy came just a few years later, but the father—having lost a leg—vanished, ashamed and unable to face her. Left to navigate young motherhood alone, Tiffany’s mom made the painful decision to place her baby up for adoption.

However, within the timeframe allowed by law, she changed her mind—reclaiming her daughter. That child would go on to become Tiffany’s second sister. These stories aren’t just chaotic chapters; they’re living illustrations of how trauma influences decision-making, attachment, and coping mechanisms across time.

Trauma as a Legacy: When History Repeats Itself

As therapists at InnerWorks Healing Therapy often explain, trauma doesn’t just live in memory—it lives in the nervous system. Tiffany’s mother, having been shaped by violence, abandonment, and emotional neglect, unconsciously began to recreate that emotional atmosphere in her own relationships.

“She didn’t really know what love looked like,” Tiffany reflects. “I think that’s something that’s played out in our whole family—we just don’t know what love is supposed to feel like.”

This is a critical insight. Without healing, many people confuse emotional intensity with emotional safety. They seek out relationships that feel familiar—not because they’re healthy, but because they mirror the emotional chaos of their upbringing. It’s not uncommon to see a person “chase the storm” in love, mistaking conflict and volatility for connection.

The Body Remembers: Why Generational Trauma Feels So Real

When a child experiences trauma, their nervous system adapts for survival. But those adaptations—hypervigilance, dissociation, anxious attachment, emotional numbing—often follow them into adulthood. And unless addressed, they get passed on.

“Our bodies and subconscious minds recreate the initial trauma over and over again,” the therapist explains in the video, “hoping for a different outcome—until it’s resolved or healed.”

This is why cycles of abuse, addiction, neglect, or dysfunction can show up generation after generation. It’s not about weakness. It’s about unconscious repetition. It’s the body trying to rewrite a story that was never fully processed.

Six Kids, Six Emotional Timelines

Tiffany’s mother went on to have six children. And with each child, the effects of generational trauma played out in unique and sometimes heartbreaking ways. Tiffany has become fascinated with mapping these patterns—what she calls “connecting the dots.”

“They call it generational trauma,” she says. “I call it connecting the dots.”

This phrase captures something powerful. When we look back—not with blame, but with curiosity—we begin to see how our lives are not just random events but chapters in a much larger emotional legacy. Connecting the dots doesn’t just reveal pain—it illuminates paths to healing.

How Therapy Helps Unravel the Past

At InnerWorks Healing Therapy, we often see clients who are trying to make sense of family dysfunction, emotional numbness, or deeply ingrained patterns that seem impossible to change. They may not know they’re dealing with generational trauma—but they feel the weight of it.

Through modalities like:

• Trauma-informed therapy
• Inner child work
• Somatic experiencing
• Attachment theory
• Family systems therapy

…clients begin to untangle the stories they’ve inherited from the ones they want to write. Therapy provides tools to regulate the nervous system, recognize emotional triggers, and choose new responses that honor both the past and the future.

Why Telling These Stories Matters

Tiffany’s willingness to share her story is courageous—and it’s exactly what creates change. By giving voice to the pain her family never talked about, she’s doing what generations before her couldn’t: facing it.

These conversations matter. They teach us that trauma is not the end of the story. Healing is possible. Relationships can change. And cycles can be broken.

Coming Up in Part 3: Healing in Real Time

In our final installment of this powerful series, we’ll explore how Tiffany is actively breaking the cycle and helping her children step into a future defined by choice, not trauma. You’ll hear how self-awareness, therapy, and connection are reshaping the legacy her family carries.

Make sure to subscribe to the InnerWorks Healing Therapy YouTube channel and check out our website for therapeutic resources, trauma-informed care, and ways to start your own healing journey. To read all the parts follow these links – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.